Anna Massey

We've all been there. You know she's called Sandie or Kaylee or some other cool name but can not for the life of you find an appropriate name. You're wrong hands to the bone, you've drunk the midnight oil, but still a good solid reputation will not come. What, oh what can you do? Read on, dear writer, an inexhaustible source of quality names you expect.

The answer lies, in fact, in the common road or in the garden! Most homes have one, but if yours is not your local newsagent will almost certainly. And before you say, "What is it about nonsense? I'm not naming my hero Chorlton-cum-Hardy! "Just keep picking cotton hard one minute and let me explain.

Centuries ago when someone offers their hometown or village, said Nyewood in Sussex and moved elsewhere, they could be known as John Nyewood to differentiate them from all other Johns . Finally, they were simply called John Nyewood. So there is nothing wrong with taking this principle and bend it to our own creative purposes.

I have before me a road map of the county of Essex fine and I need some names of my best-selling next and they have got to be credible. OK, so I glanced at the page that is flooded cities with the most amazing, inspirational and villages with names like Bishop's Stortford, Stansted Mountfitchet and Stondon Massey.

Of course, you do not make these names altogether in their current form, but with a bit of tweaking a thin band of characters will soon be standing before you burst with life and veracity.

Take the example of Bishop's Stortford. You might be tempted to include a bishop in your story and call it something like Bishop Gerald Stortford. I advise you against it. We do not want to make it too obvious, we do? But you can use Gerald Stortford, or perhaps slightly adjust Gerald Startford or Stertford.

Taking the dreaded Mountfitchet Stansted. What a name! It would almost work as it is. But no, we must refine it and make it credible for a human being. The idea is to use these names instead of inspiration and develop them. So if we lower the Stansted and also, I believe, the mountain and call our boy could Fitchet? Better yet add an 'extra' t for him to hear a bit more chic and call Fitchett. Brilliant. You can even return the Stansted and call Stanley. Fitchett Stanley. I can almost see him now installed in the office of his solicitors peering doubtfully at me over his pince-nez, even as we speak! Fitchett, Fitchett and Stanton. Hey, not bad!

Now I have given you an idea, what can you do with Stondon Massey? You can use Massey as is, but if a female does not call her Anna! What about Stacey Massey? Or Mansey Stella? Sophie or mens?

You may be a little nervous that some of these names could still be real people and what, if you write a scathing letter of complaint? Well, just write back calmly and politely point out exactly how you came to "Fortescue Mancaster" or anything, giving the Ordnance Survey grid reference or other identification when you got it. I recommend cutting down all your names for a particular history in the same region on the map. It is simply easier than I feel.

Finally, we will drift back to the disparaging remark about Chorlton-cum-Hardy. If you have been paying particular attention to this no problem at all. You can easily convert to Charles Hardy, Chester Hardy and God knows what else.

So when you have completed your novel or a story using these tactics leave me in line. I'll buy a copy. Promise!